Sayonara

Terserah ya, gue ga peduli lo mau pikir apa tentang gue.
Orang-orang juga tahu siapa yang berbuat apa.
Yang pasti kayak kata Simple Plan, "I try to make you happy, but you LEFT ANYWAY!"
Jangan sok bego deh ah. Please, I'm begging you, get me for once napa?
This is for you jerk

Aaliyah - Miss You
It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you (Said I'm needin you)
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine (Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

Off to college
Yes you went away
Straight from highschool
You up and left me
We were close friends also lovers
Did everything for one another
Now you're gone
And I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow

Come back to me (to me)
Can you hear me (callin)
Hear me callin (for you) for you
cuz it's

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine (Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

Now I'm sittin here
Thinkin bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin if you still care
And I don't want to let you know
that it's killin me
I know you got another life
And gotta concentrate baby

Come back to me (to me)
Can you hear me (callin)
Hear me callin (for you) for you
cuz it's

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you Ooh...Ooh
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine (Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I(I miss you)I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I,I
I can't breathe no more
Since you went away
I don't really feel like talkin
Don't want to hear you don't love me
Baby do you understand me
I can't do a thing without you

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do
Said I've been needin you (Said I'm needin you)Ooh...Ooh
Wantin you
Wonderin if you're the same and
Who's been with you
Is your heart still mine (Is your heart still mine)
I wanna cry sometimes (Yeah)
I miss you

Thanks for everything. Now, let's move on and never ever touch each other life again. Hey wait a minute, you ALREADY move on. While I'm here stuck in the past. Congrats. Cheers for the best next to come, for ME.

Barong

So, at college, I got this new nickname, Barong. Yea like that Chinese attraction doll, Barongsai.
I don't know what they call Barongsai in English. So here's the pic of 7 little cute barongsais.
Cute right? Hahaha. Yea so this thing is what I named after. My friend Imee gave the nick. She is a jerk.
Actually it's not a big deal for me, but even my friend's parents call me Barong. Her name is Tania and when I slept over at her house for the first time, she introduced me as BARONG. And ever since her incredibly nice parents, both father and mother, call me BARONG. It sounds really funny when they say it. Like today, I am sleeping over at her house, and when I just woke up, "Loh Barong udah bangun? Tidur lagi Barong". And last night when I said hi to her dad, her dad replied "Hi Barong =)". Really if I come to think of it again, it's really funny. Hahah. Yea don't laugh if you don't wanna. Godspeed.

Whoa

Whoa...seriously? What did I do to make you hate me?

ZERO. Yea zero, like that new coca cola flavour, punk.

If anything, the one who should be hating is me, not you, the person who won't even realised what did he do wrong. Grow up, this is no longer high school, oops I mean playground.

Whaaatt? Whaatt is it? I can't hear you. What, you're not a playground kid, you're a college student now?

Yea yea that I know. So act like one! Dumbass!

Pucuk Dicinta Ulam Tiba

Pucuk dicinta ulam tiba. An Indonesian saying means something you've been waiting for in a really long time (or not) suddenly come true when you least expect it.

I was talking and playing around about boys with my friend, Sheila, earlier this afternoon, at Jameson Intercon, after we just had our hair cut. And then she said something about this Pucuk Dicinta Ulam Tiba. I can't remember exactly how she said it, but what I get from her is that if you expect something to happen a little bit too much, you think of the every little details as possible, then it won't happen.

It's kinda true, but happen to think about it again, it doesn't exactly goes like that. Hope + Effort = Realisation. So if you're hoping for something, and then if you do a real enough effort to make it come true, then I think nothing is impossible. Hey, after all dreams and hopes are what keep us moving, what prevent us from taking a knife in the morning and stabbing ourself on the heart, what make us eat breakfast and go to school, what make us alive.
Dream a little dream! Don't dream it's over!
Why don't I just take the mic now and sing in front of an uproarious crowd? haha

Quotes!

Just found a new another cool quotes site, http://www.quotationspage.com/
Check it out. I have loved quotes since I can't remember when. Cause they make me feel smart I guess haha.

Another totally random quotes as your "soup of the day"

"To believe with certainty we must begin with doubting." -Stanislaw Leszczynski-

"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."
-William James-

"Just because you are blind, and unable to see my beauty doesn't mean it does not exist."
-Margaret Cho-

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts" -Bertrand Russell-

"Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place. "
-Ice T-

"Cynicism is not realistic and tough. It's unrealistic and kind of cowardly because it means you don't have to try."
-Peggy Noonan-

"I pay very little regard...to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person."
-Jane Austen-

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
-Thomas Szasz-

The Ice T's quote about how passion makes the world go round seemed to make sense to me. Love without passion..it's not love at all. You may say you love somebody, but if you don't even have the passion to keep it burning hot, then..you just better forget it. But then again, as many philosophers said..LOVE IS AN ILLUSION. So maybe you won't even know whether it's love or not who is knocking at your door. Why do they (philosophers) always seem to make it hard on people to be optimistic and "bright and shiny like meredith"?? haha

Meeting New People is Exhausting

I am always nervous at meeting new people. Based on my previous experiences, I've always given the worst first impression. I mean it's the most important time of general social encounters where you get to give prejudices and judgements (not really two different words, just trying to look smart by using difficult vocabs haha). I don't have the best facial expressions (I always look irritated most of the time,even when I smile I still look a bit annoying), and really kinda creepy and freaky sense of humour, so I'm afraid my sense of humour will drive people away. Before my college friends told me their first impressions on me, I never realised that I'm such a bad first impression giver *yea look at me talkin like it is only my first impression that is bad. I also give second third bad and so on and so on bad impression haha*.

They said my first impressions are I'm an arrogant and a cocky person. Blah. But really if you have gotten to get to know me better, you'll see that I'm not all that you think about when you first meet me...I'm WORSE hahaha *grins*

No really, now, seriously, I choose to minimize all kinds of social interactions with new people unless I'm with my really good friends, because I'm afraid they won't get my humour.
Now you may think I have a really "superb splendid extraordinary" sense of humour to keep me from getting to know new people, but it's not that really, it's the other way around. Argh stress.
And sometimes I say harsh things not with the intention to hurt my talking opponents, it's just out of habit. Growing up, my mom indirectly taught me how to speak up whatever in your mind that you think is right, so that's what I oftenly (is this even a word?) do until now, but what she didn't teach me well is WHEN is the right time to say it so sometimes I just spill everything out like a leaked pipe. Yay.

I Officially Hate Holidays

I hate holidays. I loathe holidays. To me, holidays are filled with tears for the lost ones, and pressure of having to have something to do on holidays are high. No wonder the suicide rates on holidays are effing high.

I am the youngest child in the family. My brother and sister are much older than me, like 13-17 years older. So on holidays, although it is not required or said, I feel like it's my obligation to accompany my mother. Otherwise, with whom she would spend these sad holidays with? My father passed away 4 years ago. I'm not saying that this is a burden to me, no it's not. I'm glad to do it. But sometimes my mom just won't make it easy for me. When I say the pressure of having to have something to do on holidays are high, to me, it comes from my mom.

Just like this evening, Dec 31st 2008, she kept asking me, "Where do you wanna go? I'll go with you", or "Let's go to Pancious", "Let's go to Balai and have barbeque with our neighbors", etc.
Urgh! Can't we just stay at home peacefully?? And I'm not a snob, spoiled or anything, but I rarely want to go out without car. Yea curse me, damn me. But have you ever go out in Jakarta by motorcycles or public transportations? Pollutions are everywhere, and not to mention, it's December now, so it can rain anytime. Yea and this evening, when my mom asked me, I refused right away because my sister was using the car.

I understand why my mom wants to go somewhere so badly, it's the loneliness and emptiness you feel on holidays when your love has gone. But can't she just go alone to the balai if she really wants it so bad?? I mean I even barely socialise with people my age, yet she asked me to socialise with people at her age?? Can't she just see that I'm as suicidal as she is??

Some Quotes

Some of totally random movie quotes I browsed from www.moviequotes.com.
Hope it might brighten up your lonely and sad day.. =]

Two mice fell into a bowl of cream. The first mouse gave up and died right away. The second mouse fought and swam until he churned that cream into butter and he crawled his way out. I am that second mouse. -Catch Me If You Can [DiCaprio, Hanks]-

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is blind." Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others, love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love. The cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. It's called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space. Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years. The absolute worst years of my life. The worst Christmases, the worst birthdays...New Year Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh God, just the sight of him. Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms. -The Holiday [Diaz, Winslet]-

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will! -Hope Floats [1998]-

Sometimes what seems like surrender isn't surrender at all. It's about what's going on in our hearts. About seeing clearly the way life is and accepting it and being true to it, whatever the pain, because the pain of not being true to it is far, far greater. - The Horse Whisperer [1998]-

More to come later on!

The Twilight Is Rising...and..Setting

Hello...
I'm trying to use the right spelling, checking, and whatever in this blog from now on [except grammar, I can't guarantee you anything about this haha] so..enjoy

I just watched Twilight [yea yea..enough with the screaming ladies...*roll eyes*]

I gotta admit a few things

1. I wanna scream "Edward! Edward!!" crazily and disgustingly like a freaking high school teenager
2. My expectations for boys just went from here *down* to here *up*. Normal men [non-vampires] just seem so boring now =P
3. Although I know that man like Edward Cullen is just a fictional character [i freakin don't believe in vampires] but ..but..but.. yeah I'd be a vampire in a second if it was a vampire like Edward who had a crush on me.

And let me add some quotes from the book to make you drool more...

"Before you Bella my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. .... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliance, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no reason for anything."-Edward Cullen-

"I promise to love you forever--every single day of forever.
-Edward Cullen"

"The talking came earlier." I groaned. "What did you hear?" His gold eyes grew very soft. "You said you loved me." "You knew that already," I reminded him, ducking my head. "It was nice to hear, just the same." I hid my face against his shoulder. "I love you," I whispered. "You are my life now," he answered simply."

"Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.
I'd been broken beyond repair."

"But if you bring her back damaged again-and I don't care who's fault it is; I don't care if she merely trips, of if a meteor falls out of the sky and hits her in the head - if you return her to me in less than the perfect condition I left her in, you will be running with three legs. Do you understand now mongrel?"

"Edward: 'Tell me what you are really thinking.'
Bella: 'I always tell you what I am thinking.'
'You edit.' He accused.
"Not very much."
"Enough to drive me insane."

Of course he can be this romantic, he was born in 1910s! hahaha
Basically I think Edward falls in love with Bella because her mysteriousity. He can't read her mind at all. Isn't that romantic..awwww *batting eyelashes*

And all of these things just seem to be ruined because I know the-girl-who-made-him-broke-my-heart is a huge fan of the series... Now I'm being put off by all of it. Seems shallow huh?
But I bet some of you, if you were in my position would feel the same way.
Because everytime I think of Twilight, The Cullens and all, all that comes afterwards was the sight of him holding hands with her..

Facts

Okay..so i guess the dark and twisty days are over. maybe. or maybe not. i dont know. i dont care. it’s time for bright and shiny. oh my goat. i’m totally turning into meredith grey. here are facts about me.

1. i love myself. and i hate people who make or trying to make me not to. like sayin, "dont do this..dont do that.." hell i dont care. it’s me. love it or leave it.

2. i love guys who wear fitted t’s. fitted. not tight, not loose..fitted. really it kinda drives me crazy.

3. i love doughnuts. burgers, sandwiches. basically, carbs. i’m a carb person. it’s the only thing that’ll make me full.

4. i’m not good with strangers. not that kinda person. strangers hate me. i hate em.

5. i love grey’s anatomy. maybe cos i feel like i can relate to the girls. i can get all whiny and drama queen like meredith, self-sacrificin for the people i love like izzie, and sometimes bitter and proud like cristina. i’m them.

6. i love clubs. not that i go clubbin a lot. twice, and the first time i barely made it pass midnight. but it’s just the thing with dark, smokey room full of dancing people that makes me feel happy. that moment, when i dance to the beat, i’m a stranger. i’m a stranger who looks prettier in the dark and nobody knows me and that’s kinda cool. that makes me feel cool. dont you like feelin cool?

7. i am always honest to myself. cos you cant always be honest to other people, so you gotta always be honest to yourself. i swear it’s the only way and the best way to keep you sane.

8. i love kids. ONLY when they’re nice. when they start to act all spoil and being a smartass, i just want them to get out of my face.

9. deep down inside, i’m an emo. and really, when i say deep down inside, it’s really DEEP DOWN inside. don’t fish it out. you won’t like me when i’m emo.

10. i have a lack of letting go and forgiving, so don’t blame me if i hate you. i hate you for a reason. a real one.