Yeah yeah I know..I haven't updated my blog in a while..That's cause I don't really have anything to blog about you know.. Nothing interesting has happened in my life since I can't remember when, perhaps since I stopped watching dvds and turn into those devilish grammar books, since my grumpy old roommate moved out and gave me nothing to talk about (I talk about her mostly haha). Nothing interesting has happened, apart from the fact that I ain't no longer believe in church now (and I'm not saying it proudly mi freund, just stating a simple fact, a truth), apart from the fact that I often suspiciously believe that everyone talks about me behind my back (this is probably totally delusional, but I can feel their eyes staring with resentment, or was it just my imagination), and apart from the fact that I am getting crankier by the minute (and it's not the pms you know, it's just me, I'm turning into an old cranky hag).
By having seen and read the bitter, has turn me into it as well. Anyone got the recipe to stay sweet even after you've seen all the worst come to life? (didn't actually happen to me, I just know for a fact that, it's sad that we don't even know why we're here).
I've got a lot of saying on a lot of things, but see, I've found out what we humans is most afraid of. To be disliked. We always try to be nice, say things we don't even mean, talk to people we don't even wanna be around with, just cause we want people to like us a little bit more. Is that really our nature to be so?
On a philosophy class, I had to read Darwin and Plato. To read two totally different theories, from two well-opinionated persons, shook me up a little bit. When I say a little bit, I really mean a little bit. I have lost my faith in church for a long time before I read Darwin or Plato, it has nothing to do with reading them. I think those two perhaps were just on a high when they wrote their theories. What's shook me up is their way of asking. So absurd, almost naive, like there are no limits. I start to ask petty rhetorical questions, things I know I will never have the answer. Because just like what Plato referred, I don't really know what it is that I'm looking for. I won't even notice if I have found the answer, cause I don't know what the answer is. Ok, stop right there, I started to sound like a cuckoo. I don't really know what I know now, and my roommate really considered whether to send me to a mental institution or not.
The question is, why can't we just be satisfied with what we have now? Why do we always want more? Why do we always ask for more stuff? Why do we always look for the things that are beyond us? Such arrogant creatures, we are. Can't it just be enough to be happy, and to make people happy? That's why I like China's philosophy. Everything is harmonious. Yin and Yang. Black and white. You gotta have both, or you can have neither. Justice. The ultimate wisdom is like water. It always chooses the low area. That's why I know you can never bring me down. I may be silent right now, I may look like I accept all of your insults, teasings, your egoism, but later I won't be bothered. Cause I'm just like the water baby, the water.
Godspeed.
And she replied!! Dang, it wasn't exactly a reply, she was just lifting her thumb *eh*, but I still feel as excited as ever. Shes's the most amazing dancer, very captivating on stage, and every girl just wanna be her. Heart you so much, Jayme Rae (and this is the part where I'd beg and MAY sound like a psycho), would you please come to Indonesia? I'll show around and my mother will cook her best recipes for you. Xoxo, Hanny from Indonesia.
