Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Maaf

"Maaf," desahmu pelan.
"Ini hari raya, kupinta maafmu," ulangmu lagi, mendesak.

"Kau salah apa?"

Diam jawabmu.

Tak bisa kuberikan maafku hari ini. Kupinjamkan saja, maka harus kau kembalikan.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

To Love is To Understand

Dalam rangka menyambut hari Valentine (ya, gue tahu, udah telat sih), kali ini gue mau mendedikasikan sebuah post khusus untuk membahas kasih sayang. Namun bukanlah kasih sayang roman picisan seperti yang biasa kalian lihat di drama-drama masa kini, melainkan tentang kasih sayang yang hakiki, kasih agape.

Menurut surat ensiklik pertama Paus Benediktus XVI, Deus Caritas est - God Is Love, kasih agape menggambarkan kasih yang tidak lagi tidak menentu, sebab kasih ini tertuju kepada pengenalan akan diri orang yang dikasihi, melebihi perhatian atau kesenangan sendiri.
No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.
Yang mana akan membawa saya ke topik utama yang lebih mengerucut di post kali ini, kasih dalam keluarga. Sedikit intermezzo, entah kenapa kasih keluarga yang menurut saya paling dapet penggambarannya adalah kasihnya Vito Corleone untuk keluarganya di film The Godfather. Film itu bener-bener TER. BA. IK. 

Ok, kelar, itu aja sih intermezzonya. Yuk, lanjut.


Jadi di penghujung tahun lalu, saya dapat satu khotbah bagus dari pastor muda di paroki saya, paroki Santo Thomas Rasul, Bojong Indah (Pastornya adalah Pastor Aldo, masih muda, 31 tahun, penuh semangat, zodiaknya Aquarius. Sungguh fakta-fakta trivial yang penting ya..).

Waktu itu bacaan diambil dari Lukas 2: 41-52, isinya mengenai Yesus pada umur dua belas tahun dalam Bait Allah.

41 Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. 42 When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. 43 After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”[a] 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Keluarga adalah tempat awal seseorang mulai belajar mengenai pemahaman. Bagaimana memahami diri sendiri, bagaimana memahami orang lain, bagaimana mengasihi orang lain, dan bagaimana memaafkan orang lain. Dalam kisah ini, kok bisa-bisanya ya Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga sadar anaknya ketinggalan? :'D 

Anyways, intinya sih bukan di bagian Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga ngeh anaknya ketinggalan. Saat akhirnya Bunda menemukan anaknya yang tetiba ngilang itu, deseu panik banget sampe dia bilang: "Nak, kamu kok tega banget sik? Mama dan Papa udah kuatir banget nyariin kamu ke mana-mana!"
Saat orangtuanya udah super panik gitu (ya iyalah, secara Yesus ngilangnya selama tiga hari gitu), bisa-bisanya Yesus malah ngejawab: "Ngapain juga ampe dicariin segala? Mama ga tau bahwa aku lagi ada di rumah Bapa-Ku?"

Waktu itu Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga ngerti sama omongannya Yesus, dan meskipun masih pengen hangout di Bait Allah, Yesus tetap nurut dan ikut balik ke rumah orangtuanya.
And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Dan Yesus makin bertambah besar dan bertambah hikmat-Nya dan besar-Nya, dan makin dikasihi oleh Allah dan manusia.
Dalam hal ini, Yesus memahami bahwa keluarga manusianya adalah tempat terbaik baginya saat itu untuk dapat tumbuh dan berkembang. Untuk dapat memahami manusia dan mengasihi manusia. Bunda Maria yang ga ngomong apa-apa saat disahutin sama anaknya, juga ternyata diam-diam kepikiran dan kejadian hari itu semua disimpan dalam hati olehnya. Mungkin dia tahu pada saat itu, diam adalah solusi terbaik untuk membuat Yesus mau kembali pulang ke rumah bersama-sama dengan kedua orangtua-Nya.

Meski kadang ada kedongkolan atau kekesalan terhadap sesama anggota keluarga, tapi harus selalu ada pemahaman dalam hati kita. Tiada maaf tanpa pemahaman, tiada kasih tanpa pemahaman. Tidak semua keluarga dapat dengan mudah mengucapkan kata-kata penghiburan atau kata-kata penuh cinta. Namun keluarga yang bisa saling memahami adalah keluarga yang penuh kasih, tanpa perlu terlalu banyak mengumbar kata-kata dan janji-janji, melainkan mewujudkannya dalam kepedulian dan kepahaman akan satu sama lain. To love is to understand. Dan cinta itu tidak datang lebih dahulu daripada pemahaman, ataupun sebaliknya. Keduanya berjalan seiringan. Jika ada cinta, maka kamu akan berusaha memahami. Jika kamu sudah berhasil memahami, maka pemahaman itu akan semakin memeriahkan cintamu.
"You may not always like your family, but you will always love them."
Mas John Mayer aja sampe bikin lagu kok:
"Fathers be good to your daughters, and daughters will love like you do. And girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too."

Cinta itu adalah kata kerja. Jika seseorang sudah belajar melakukannya sejak dini, maka dia akan terbiasa melakukannya. Mencintai adalah budaya dan kebiasaan yang diwariskan. Meski kadang dalam beberapa kasus, kebiasaan mencintai itu tidak diwariskan melainkan dilatih sendiri.

Jadi bagaimana, sudahkah kamu belajar memahami? Atau jangan-jangan maunya dipahami terus? Ahay deuuuh~
Selamat belajar memahami! (ngomong ke diri sendiri juga)

Godspeed.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

To All The Living Stones Out There

When you leave no room in your mind and heart that your opinion MIGHT be incorrect.
When you don't know that you MIGHT not know anything.
When you act as if you're the most hurt person in the world while others are MIGHT be suffering the same (if not worse) shit as you are.

That's when you leave so little space for your mind and heart to be opened.
And that's when you will start acting like a smartass, like every other people are wrong and you're the only one who's correct.
That's when your head and heart start hardening, and you get all defensive, and too stiff and serious.

You can't see the funny in any jokes, you take any words to your heart, you assume that any words spoken from others are directed to you.

Oh my.. If only you'd listen to Damien Rice and realize that "It's not hard to grow, when you know that you just don't know."

Godspeed.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Strong Mothers Are Strong

There was this one scene from Reply 1988 episode 5, where Sung Bora (the main female lead's sister) was going to be taken away by the police for protesting against the government. Her mother found her just right by the time she was going to be taken away, and she started this rant about how amazing Bora was, that she was not the person that the police were looking for.
The whole time Bora looked angry and uncomfortable, until she noticed that Mom only had socks on, with toes full of blood due to a recent tripped-accident.

In the end, Bora admitted that she is the one and that she is guilty, and went along peacefully with the police, along with her mother screaming and crying.
In the background, the adult Sung Bora voicing over the scene, and it really wrenched my heart.

"Sometimes, I felt like my mom was an embarassment. There were times when I couldn't understand why she doesn't seemed to have self-consciousness or a sense of pride, and I got angry. I didn't realize it then, but it was because there was something precious that she wanted to protect more than herself, and that is me. When true love manifests, it doesn't allow one to be concerned over one's pride, and causes one to cast it aside. That's why mothers are strong. They say God created mothers because they can't be everywhere at once. Even when one becomes a mother, one's mother is one's guardian angel, and even saying the word 'Mom' is something that has the power to tug at one's heartstrings. Mothers are always strong."

There goes the saying, "You wouldn't know what it feels like to be a mother until you become one." Thank you Reply 1988 for giving us the slight insight of what it feels like to be a mother. Mothers are prideless. Mothers are selfless. Mothers are strong.

It would not be perfect without John Mayer's quote of course.
"And girls become lovers, who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too."

Godspeed.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Don't

Bukan salah anak konglomerat kalau dia punya banyak uang.
Bukan salah orang yang luwes kalau dia punya banyak teman.
Bukan salah orang yang pandai kalau dia punya banyak pengetahuan.
Bukan salah orang yang rajin bekerja kalau dia tidak punya banyak waktu.
Bukan salah orang yang menarik kalau dia punya banyak penggemar.
Bukan salah orang yang tulus kalau ia bisa mencintai dengan sederhana.

Selama mereka tidak menyakitimu, apakah kelebihan mereka itu menjadi dosa?

Jangan gunakan kelebihan orang lain sebagai alatmu untuk menyakiti mereka.

Jangan jadikan kelebihan orang lain sebagai pembenaranmu saat menyakiti mereka.

Orang-orang itu juga punya hati. Entah hati itu mati atau tidak, bukanlah hak siapapun untuk menyakitinya.

Wouldn't it be nice to consider these once in a while?

Godspeed.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Hanny's Dictionary: Situasu

Situasu:
\di depanku lidahmu kaku tak berkata,
di belakangku luweslah ia meliukkan cerca\

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Home - Short Story

He held my hand as we walked through the crowded alley of the night market.
He held it so tight, so tight it makes me feel like nothing could ever hurt me tonight. No, not only tonight, ever.

After ten minutes of pushing ourselves through the crowd, we finally made it out to an open space facing the nearby woods, probably 100 feet away from the clustered tents.

We smelled like hot dogs, buffalo wings, and cotton candy all mixed into one.
We laughed at how silly we were, two creatures who are afraid of the crowds, decided to jump straight into a pool of one.

We sat on the grass, looking away to the several kids playing football near the tents.
Their parents were not seen anywhere nearby, so I suppose they're the children of the market tenants.
Some of the bigger kids joined in and the game started to heat up.
After a while they got tired and went back into the tents.
We were left with nothing to see but the clear black sky.

The sky was starless. You cannot really expect to see stars in the middle of the city like this.
We stayed still for five minutes, and then ten, fifteen, and an hour went by without us saying a word.
Our hands kept holding each other as if they were afraid of getting lost.
Spellbound by our own thoughts, we did not mind.

And it was right there alongside the cheerful crowd not too far away.
It was right there in the middle of that comfortable warm silence.
There and then I knew, I was home.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

I Wish I Could - Short Story

"So, when did you start having nightmares?"
"I don't know. Probably two years or so."
"How did it start?"
"It started out as nightmares. Extremely vivid ones. It developed into some sort of insomnia, and I ended up sleeping only two hours a day. Because I've been afraid of the nightmares."
"How vivid were they?"
"ARE. They are. So vivid to the point that...I now even doubt that you are a real person."
"Ok, I see."

The doctor then take some notes on his rather expensive-looking black leather notebook.
"I need you to tell me now, what do you think the genuine reason of you having all those nightmares is?"

I try to hold the urge to throw out the noodles I had for lunch, as I feel this sickening butterfly crawling up my gut, the same butterfly that always tries to climb out whenever I remember or try to remember things. I try to find my balance, inhale and exhale a big one, looking at the doctor very tensely, unconsciously clenching my fists too tight that they might get cramped afterwards.

"I wish I could."

I feel my own face reacts to the words that I just say. It sags down, along with the revelation of my desperate attempt to heal.

I wish I could.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Dear God



I love the fragrance of your voice,
You're the colour of Loyal,
My favourite sound is your smile,
I'm intoxicated with joyful

Oh, I am moved by you
Oh, I am moved by you

I feel you on the bottom of my feet,
The very blush in my cheek,
I love the taste of the words you don't say,
You're the very meaning of peace,
I am a 10 thousand petal flower,
Unfolding in this moment,
I feel so vulnerable and so empowered,
It's everything, it's nothing, it's perfect

Oh, I am moved by you,
Oh, I am moved by you

You're the eyes of a child,
You're a horse running wild,
You're the cracking open of a heart,
You make me feel so alive,
I am honoured to know,
The twinkle of your star,

Oh, I am moved by you,
Oh, I am moved by you

Hey,

La, La, La ( I am moved)
La, La, La (Hey, nothin, nothin, nothin, moves me like you move me)
La, La, La (oh, mmm, I am moved by you)

I give thanks for my time upon the planet Earth,
By all of your beauty,
I am so inspired,
Your love has baptised me by fire,

Oh, I am moved by you
Oh, I am moved by you

Oh, I am moved by you 
(I just wanna say thank you)
Oh, I am moved by you
(Thank you, thank you)

Oh, I am moved by you,
Oh, I am moved by... you

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Best K-Dramas of 2014!

2014 is almost finished, 2015 is almost here, and dude, did I watch a looooot of dramas this year! It may not be as much as 2013, I gotta say this year was not my most productive year in watching K-Dramas, but I do really find a lot of my all time favorite dramas this year. I favor them so much that I feel like I really have to make a post specially dedicated to these dramas.

Without further ado, I present you my top favorite dramas of 2014, in order from 5 to 1:

5. Plus Nine Boys

I heard rumors about Kim Young Kwang and his controversial body shaming interview in 2013, but truthfully I searched the whole internet and I couldn't find the said interview, so it was still just a rumor to me. Even though it's true and I am a kinda subjective person when it comes to celebrity personalities, I still really like him in Plus Nine Boys.
He portrayed Kang Jin Goo perfectly, his longing stare, his playful smirk, and all of that. And you know, I'm really a sucker when it comes to friends-turn-lovers drama plot, and this one totally got me.

4. Discovery of Romance
I think I've never watch a drama where I can quote the dialogue as much as I can quote Discovery of Romance. This drama is filled with in-yo'-face love quotes, and I think this is maybe a first drama where I actually cried when the lead couples broke up (the second breakup, episode 10, if ya' know what I mean).
I am going to quote it for you here.

Kang Tae Ha (Eric Mun) to Han Yeo Reum (Jung Yumi):
“Let’s break up. Now, let’s properly break up. I couldn’t break up with you because I didn’t know why we broke up in the first place. And you’ve been resenting me all this time. You’re not broken up if you’re still resenting that person. Be happy, Han Yeo-reum. I’m glad I can sincerely say this to you.”

I'm feeling ya' dude. Say what, btches?

3. Marriage Not Dating
Don't think of this drama as the ordinary contract marriage drama. Not before you watch it. Just don't. I really like that this drama give us sight to what can really happen after marriage, and what marriage is about. It's not always glitter and gold, but if it's worth it, you gotta be optimistic and give it a go. It is so much more realistic than happily ever after.
So many comical scenes in this drama and I pretty much enjoy it. The directing style is fun and light, and yet I was surprised too many times to see the depth and how philosophical some scenes are. 

2. It's Okay, It's Love
It's Okay It's Love is hands down, the drama with the most good looking casts and the best soundtrack of 2014! I know Gong Hyo Jin may not be everyone's cup of coffee, but that's where she becomes special. She has this down to earth style and approachable vibe that makes her more believable. You wouldn't believe in someone whose face is too made up, or too pretty, you would believe in someone who looks cool effortlessly, like Gong Hyo Jin does. Together with Jo In Sung, they are match made in heaven. 
And, THE SOUNDTRACK. Oh, the soundtracks. Even after finished watching it for awhile now, I still can remember what song plays on what scene, and how were the casts expressions on that exact scene. It's like the songs are made for the series, and were blended in perfectly.
I would like me some Jang Jae Yul, please!


And, the best drama of 2014 is...

1. Misaeng
I could tell you like a hundred good reasons of why you should watch Misaeng, and could not find a single reason why not to. I'm sure no dramas are perfect, but I couldn't really find any worth-mentioning problem with Misaeng.
The casts, the acting, the soundtrack; it's like I can literally hear my heart screaming inside whenever a scene really rocks out, or whenever Jang Geu Rae is doing something awesome again, or whenever Chief Oh is being... just being Chief Oh. No other praise I can give out to Misaeng other than suggesting you, no, ORDERING you to watch it.
Sure, this drama is not for those of you who wants to see a jiggidy-wiggidy romance between man and woman. This is a 20-episodes series with no romance, but the main love line is between the workers and the superiors. But I gotta warn you now, that it is soooo good it is more heartbreaking and warms you inside.

Please find below my favorite Misaeng OST of the bunch. Mostly because I feel the lyrics really match the series well. About how corporate slaves work all day, with all of their heart, but they kind of don't know why. The situation that most of company workers (maybe especially those who work in Sales, the work background used in this drama) can relate to.