To Love is To Understand

Dalam rangka menyambut hari Valentine (ya, gue tahu, udah telat sih), kali ini gue mau mendedikasikan sebuah post khusus untuk membahas kasih sayang. Namun bukanlah kasih sayang roman picisan seperti yang biasa kalian lihat di drama-drama masa kini, melainkan tentang kasih sayang yang hakiki, kasih agape.

Menurut surat ensiklik pertama Paus Benediktus XVI, Deus Caritas est - God Is Love, kasih agape menggambarkan kasih yang tidak lagi tidak menentu, sebab kasih ini tertuju kepada pengenalan akan diri orang yang dikasihi, melebihi perhatian atau kesenangan sendiri.

No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.

Yang mana akan membawa saya ke topik utama yang lebih mengerucut di post kali ini, kasih dalam keluarga. Sedikit intermezzo, entah kenapa kasih keluarga yang menurut saya paling dapet penggambarannya adalah kasihnya Vito Corleone untuk keluarganya di film The Godfather. Film itu bener-bener TER. BA. IK. 

Ok, kelar, itu aja sih intermezzonya. Yuk, lanjut.

Jadi di penghujung tahun lalu, saya dapat satu khotbah bagus dari pastor muda di paroki saya, paroki Santo Thomas Rasul, Bojong Indah (Pastornya adalah Pastor Aldo, masih muda, 31 tahun, penuh semangat, zodiaknya Aquarius. Sungguh fakta-fakta trivial yang penting ya..).

Waktu itu bacaan diambil dari Lukas 2: 41-52, isinya mengenai Yesus pada umur dua belas tahun dalam Bait Allah.

⁴¹ Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Festival of the Passover. ⁴² When he was twelve years old, they went up to the festival, according to the custom. ⁴³ After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. ⁴⁴ Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. ⁴⁵ When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. ⁴⁶ After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. ⁴⁷ Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. ⁴⁸ When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.”⁴⁹ “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”^[a] 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.⁵¹ Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. ⁵² And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

Keluarga adalah tempat awal seseorang mulai belajar mengenai pemahaman. Bagaimana memahami diri sendiri, bagaimana memahami orang lain, bagaimana mengasihi orang lain, dan bagaimana memaafkan orang lain. Dalam kisah ini, kok bisa-bisanya ya Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga sadar anaknya ketinggalan? :'D 

Anyways, intinya sih bukan di bagian Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga ngeh anaknya ketinggalan. Saat akhirnya Bunda menemukan anaknya yang tetiba ngilang itu, deseu panik banget sampe dia bilang: "Nak, kamu kok tega banget sik? Mama dan Papa udah kuatir banget nyariin kamu ke mana-mana!"

Saat orangtuanya udah super panik gitu (ya iyalah, secara Yesus ngilangnya selama tiga hari gitu), bisa-bisanya Yesus malah ngejawab: "Ngapain juga ampe dicariin segala? Mama ga tau bahwa aku lagi ada di rumah Bapa-Ku?"

Waktu itu Bunda Maria dan Yusuf ga ngerti sama omongannya Yesus, dan meskipun masih pengen hangout di Bait Allah, Yesus tetap nurut dan ikut balik ke rumah orangtuanya.

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man. Dan Yesus makin bertambah besar dan bertambah hikmat-Nya dan besar-Nya, dan makin dikasihi oleh Allah dan manusia.

Dalam hal ini, Yesus memahami bahwa keluarga manusianya adalah tempat terbaik baginya saat itu untuk dapat tumbuh dan berkembang. Untuk dapat memahami manusia dan mengasihi manusia. Bunda Maria yang ga ngomong apa-apa saat disahutin sama anaknya, juga ternyata diam-diam kepikiran dan kejadian hari itu semua disimpan dalam hati olehnya. Mungkin dia tahu pada saat itu, diam adalah solusi terbaik untuk membuat Yesus mau kembali pulang ke rumah bersama-sama dengan kedua orangtua-Nya.

Meski kadang ada kedongkolan atau kekesalan terhadap sesama anggota keluarga, tapi harus selalu ada pemahaman dalam hati kita. Tiada maaf tanpa pemahaman, tiada kasih tanpa pemahaman. Tidak semua keluarga dapat dengan mudah mengucapkan kata-kata penghiburan atau kata-kata penuh cinta. Namun keluarga yang bisa saling memahami adalah keluarga yang penuh kasih, tanpa perlu terlalu banyak mengumbar kata-kata dan janji-janji, melainkan mewujudkannya dalam kepedulian dan kepahaman akan satu sama lain. To love is to understand. Dan cinta itu tidak datang lebih dahulu daripada pemahaman, ataupun sebaliknya. Keduanya berjalan seiringan. Jika ada cinta, maka kamu akan berusaha memahami. Jika kamu sudah berhasil memahami, maka pemahaman itu akan semakin memeriahkan cintamu.

"You may not always like your family, but you will always love them."

Mas John Mayer aja sampe bikin lagu kok:

"Fathers be good to your daughters, and daughters will love like you do. And girls become lovers who turn into mothers, so mothers be good to your daughters too."

Cinta itu adalah kata kerja. Jika seseorang sudah belajar melakukannya sejak dini, maka dia akan terbiasa melakukannya. Mencintai adalah budaya dan kebiasaan yang diwariskan. Meski kadang dalam beberapa kasus, kebiasaan mencintai itu tidak diwariskan melainkan dilatih sendiri.

Jadi bagaimana, sudahkah kamu belajar memahami? Atau jangan-jangan maunya dipahami terus? Ahay deuuuh~

Selamat belajar memahami! (ngomong ke diri sendiri juga)

Godspeed.

To All The Living Stones Out There

When you leave no room in your mind and heart that your opinion MIGHT be incorrect.
When you don't know that you MIGHT not know anything.
When you act as if you're the most hurt person in the world,

while others MIGHT be suffering the same (if not worse) shit as you do.

That's when you leave so little space for your mind and heart to be opened.
And that's when you will start acting like a smartass, 

like every other people are wrong and you're the only one who's correct.
That's when your head and heart start hardening,

and you get all defensive, and too stiff and serious.

You can't see the funny in any jokes, you take any words to your heart,

you assume that any words spoken from others are directed to you.

Oh my.. If only you'd listen to Damien Rice and realize that "It's not hard to grow, when you know that you just don't know."

Godspeed.

Strong Mothers Are Strong

There was this one scene from Reply 1988 episode 5, where Sung Bora (the main female lead's sister) was going to be taken away by the police for protesting against the government. Her mother found her just right by the time she was going to be taken away, and she started this rant about how amazing Bora was, that she was not the person that the police were looking for.

The whole time Bora looked angry and uncomfortable, until she noticed that Mom only had socks on, with toes full of blood due to a recent tripped-accident.

In the end, Bora admitted that she is the one and that she is guilty, and went along peacefully with the police, along with her mother screaming and crying.

In the background, the adult Sung Bora voicing over the scene, and it really wrenched my heart.

"Sometimes, I felt like my mom was an embarassment. There were times when I couldn't understand why she doesn't seemed to have self-consciousness or a sense of pride, and I got angry. I didn't realize it then, but it was because there was something precious that she wanted to protect more than herself, and that is me. When true love manifests, it doesn't allow one to be concerned over one's pride, and causes one to cast it aside. That's why mothers are strong. They say God created mothers because they can't be everywhere at once. Even when one becomes a mother, one's mother is one's guardian angel, and even saying the word 'Mom' is something that has the power to tug at one's heartstrings. Mothers are always strong."

There goes the saying, "You wouldn't know what it feels like to be a mother until you become one." Thank you Reply 1988 for giving us the slight insight of what it feels like to be a mother. Mothers are prideless. Mothers are selfless. Mothers are strong.

It would not be perfect without John Mayer's quote of course.
"And girls become lovers, who turn into mothers. So mothers be good to your daughters too."

Godspeed.

Don't

Bukan salah anak konglomerat kalau dia punya banyak uang.
Bukan salah orang yang luwes kalau dia punya banyak teman.
Bukan salah orang yang pandai kalau dia punya banyak pengetahuan.
Bukan salah orang yang rajin bekerja kalau dia tidak punya banyak waktu.
Bukan salah orang yang menarik kalau dia punya banyak penggemar.
Bukan salah orang yang tulus kalau ia bisa mencintai dengan sederhana.

Selama mereka tidak menyakitimu, apakah kelebihan mereka itu menjadi dosa?

Jangan gunakan kelebihan orang lain sebagai alatmu untuk menyakiti mereka.

Jangan jadikan kelebihan orang lain sebagai pembenaranmu saat menyakiti mereka.

Orang-orang itu juga punya hati. Entah hati itu mati atau tidak, bukanlah hak siapapun untuk menyakitinya.

Wouldn't it be nice to consider these once in a while?

Godspeed.

Hanny's Dictionary: Situasu

Situasu:
\di depanku lidahmu kaku tak berkata,
di belakangku luweslah ia meliukkan cerca\