Saturday, October 17, 2009

Is there any such thing?

Soo...I've been thinking about this. By this, I mean this blog. This another junk on this empty space called internet. It's title. Hanny in real life. Me. In. Real. Life.

Gosh, what was I thinking when I chose that url. Suddenly it sounds so corny and cheap. Oops no offense Dan in Real Life, I love the movie, but who would want to read bunch of craps of pages about ME in REAL LIFE, huh? Even I don't.

I'm thinking of changing this blog's url into something a little simpler, and really defines me, and no, it's not banci gembrot. I don't know, maybe you can help me think of something cool nyahahaha.

As a last goodbye to the name "Hanny in Real Life", Imma describe me in real life. Okay the real me in real life is nothing sweet. I'm an angry bitter little girl. Lately I feel like I'm losing my 'emotions bud' (if there's any such term). I don't feel sad, happy, worried, nor anything. Nothing. I've been faking emotions the whole time. It's not that I don't have any emotions at all... I mean I do feel things, but lately I've always faked 'em in front of people. All I am lately is bitter.

I feel like I've been pretending to befriends, to act all nice, to the people I don't really want to befriends with or act nice to. And some of those people doesn't even deserve it. They're good people. So the question is maybe, 'what the heck is up with me?'. Was it cause of I lost my dog a couple weeks ago? But I didn't feel anything about it either. I mean I was sad, and I miss Shiro sooo badly. But the sadness didn't dominate me. I am at a point where I don't really care if anybody gets hurt as long as it's not me who gets hurt. I'm like the old space theory by Copernicus, the center of the universe is earth and every other things just rotate around it. Wrong on so many levels.

I started to feel like a superhuman, like nothing could get through me. Was it cause I've gone past my labil times a looong looong time ago? I know I have, but where the hell did all my emotions have gone?? And aside from the fact that I'm typing it, I don't even care for the fact that I'm emotionless.

Geez I really should start get away from these people. I can't stand be around them. They're just straight ass annoying and one of them doesn't even realize it and always think my cranky face whenever she's around was not caused by her. Dude, it's you dude. Nothing else. Nobody else. You. Annoy. Me.

I used to worshipped realness. I loath fakeness. But now I'm becoming what I loath. And it's making me angry. There is nothing worse than being angry at yourself. Okaaaaay enough rantiiinnng. This has been too emo, too much emo is never good for anyone.

So the change is going to happen effective immediatly. Hahha, I haven't even decided what the new url yet. So, until then, Godspeed.

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