Knowing

Ok so this is what addiction feels like. You're getting used to it. When it's not around you'll start scratching your nails to the wall like a starved puppy. When you can't get it you will try EVERY way possible to finally get it to work again. Ways such as: restarting your computer for you don't know the thousandth times, shut it down and turn it on again, install the new version of adobe flash player. But still, after you have tried all the ways mentioned above, it stands still.

Hmmmpppffftt. Okay so now I'm trying to forget the fact that Restaurant City is undermaintenance AGAIN (like for a millionth times already this month) and try to focus on other things. I mean that's what junkies do, right? Chain smokers chew gums, alcoholics drink milk (do they really? mind my sotoy analysis), RC junkies write new posts on their blog, ranting about how it is going undermaintenance again.

Okay...focus...focus...happy things..happy moments..taste of warm vanilla caramel milk...smell of puppy's armpits...yeap..here we gooohh

I'm gonna review my movie of the week: Knowing. Let's get aside the fact that Nicolas Cage has never really been my favorite actor in the world, well, but he portrayed a good exhausted single parent who is also a whatever-it-is (it could be astronomy, it could be geography for all I know) professor in a university.

The movie was quite long, and I really enjoyed it. Except for the last 15 minutes T_T. Okay prepare for some bloopers here.

I was so excited at the beginning of the movie where the little girl, Lucinda, started to write down numbers for the future instead of drawing picture like her classmates did. I was expecting some ghosts action. Hahaha. Lucinda's piece of numbers is found 50 years later by Cage's son, Caleb, and just out of boredom/curiousity, Cage started to check and recheck those numbers. Apparently the numbers are prophecy for the accidents that has happened in the last 50 years. Well one by one started to become true...blablabla..it leads to the doomsday.

I was not too pleased by the visuals.
First, the angels (I guess they supposed to be angels since they come to pick up Caleb and Abby, who turned out to be The Chosen One, to start over the human race) looked like demons. With their pale faces, and black cloaks.
Second, the "boat" that took the chosen one to the new planet, kinda look like an alien spaceship instead of a heavenly train.
Third, I really can't stand the overrated backsound.

Overall, it was a cool movie. Made me think. What if tomorrow is The Doomsday? Where God supposedly will fulfill his revelation, the judgment day. When that fire came, I would probably be burnt forever. What has to be done so I could understand His revelation? I KNOW I'm not ready. I have not ready. Have you? Godspeed.

P.S: TV Series wishlist for now, TRUE BLOODS. ;)

Random Rants and The Fear

I am EFFING SICK of doing the same old things the whole week.
Monday-Tuesday: Wake up at 6.00 am. Go to classes. Walking half-heartedly. Go home. Waiting for Friday.
Wednesday-Thursday: Wake up at 07.00 am. Go to effing Chinese classes. Walking, still, half-heartedly. Go home. Waiting for Friday.
Friday: Wake up at 06.00 am. Mood sometimes combined between "TGIF!" or "What? It's friday already? Where the hell has my rest of the week gone?." Walk to classes empty-heartedly. Go home, pack, waiting for deborah xderes bus to come and get me.
Friday night-Sunday: Online 24 hours. Moan when it's time to go back to Depok.

I need a breakthrough. I need booze. Anything. Or I might kill myself, or kill others, and at my funeral they would say "She was a quiet girl, what happened?."

I'm just really bored. Feels like I will be trapped in this age forever. It kinda scares and petrifies me. Have you ever got this feeling where you pity yourself and feels like you can never break free? I feel that when I attend family gatherings...being spoiled and pampered by my mom..
And sometimes I also strucked in a moment where I think, "What the heck am I doing???."
Why in hell I'm studying this stupid Chinese grammar, ancient China history, and most of all, why the heck am I doing memorizing all these non-sense Chinese characters???
Huh?? I often struck and think, yeah, WHAT AM I REALLY DOING RIGHT NOW? Is it useful? What is it for? What is my purpose in life? Who am I? Is Julia Perez really hooking up with Gaston Castano????

Hell, I really need a booze right now. In high school, I had him. He was my booze. Now? None.
The only thing that helps me get through the week is the thought of friday. Haha. But even when friday arrives, the feelings gone and replaced by the thought of monday. Haaarrrrgghhh.

My highlight of this weekend is watching Marley and Me. I think there's nothing I can say about this movie other than: IT'S TO WATCH FOR. You know when you love someone and you can't answer when people ask you why you love him/her? Yes it's the same as my feelings towards Marley and Me. You'll get heartchill and heartburn at the same time when you watch the movie.

And now I still don't know what I am going to do. I'm going to watch Fast and Furious with Alex and Beth2 this evening. Let's see. Godspeed.

Shoot!

Dia telah mati
Kuperkosa dia
Lalu kutusuk lambungnya
Seperti para kafir yang membunuh Yesus
Kukubur dia

Tengah malam kugali lahat
Bungkus ia dengan kafan
Baunya ia
Adrenalin mengalir
Aku muntah

Banjir asa menyerbu
Kuusap peluhku
Menatap pemandangan di depanku
Setangkai bambu kutancapkan
Sebagai tanda nista

Hari ketiga bangkit
Sambangi rumahku
Enggan ketuk pintu
Dia serbu kamarku
Rasuki raga yang lompong

Setan! Hantu! Iblis!
Sumpah serapah caci maki
Hantuiku ia gembira
Bumi menolaknya
Melepehkannya

Kini ia kutanggung
beban kelewat berat
Hatiku berkelojot
Otakku lengket
Sakit dan lelah

Ia yang datang
hendak menuntut balas
karna ku telah menguburnya
hidup-hidup
Ia...Cinta

PS: Puisi asal yang iseng dibikin karena sedang enek. Aduh maaf bagi yang baca, selamat muntah ya.

Use Me Hahaha

I've been listening to Kings of Leon. My sister introduced them to me. Band ini udah cukup lama berdiri ternyata. Dari tahun 2000. Capek ya? Hahah. Cuma gue baru tahu aja sekarang-sekarang ini. Lumayan sih meskipun gue ga suka-suka banget. Suara vokalisnya cowok banget, bikin ngayal lagi ada di padang gurun Nevada yang kayak latar-latarnya Roswell, naik mobil kap terbuka kayak di video-video klip. Lagu favorit gue di album keempat mereka adalah Use Somebody. Ini nih yang bikin ngayal lagi di padang pasir disetirin rockstar. Haha.

Lirik oke sama irama dan suara padang gurun Nevada *anjing lama-lama jijik nih denger kata-kata ini*, membuat lagu ini enak. Haha. Itu aja sih intinya. Udah ya mau lanjut ngayal sedang ada di padang gurun sambil naik mobil yang atapnya terbuka dan disetirin rockstar. Sluurrpp.

Use Somebody - Kings of Leon

I've been roaming around

Always looking down at all I see

Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep

Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat

I hope it's gonna make you notice

I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me

Someone like me

Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around

Always looking down at all I see

FCK!

FCKKKK!!! Hurry right back!!! I don't want to check out one of your other games, I want YOU!!

Nyontreng!

Hari ini adalah hari pertama gue nyontreng. Yay! Emang nyontreng baru pertama kali kan ya. Haha maksudnya pertama kali gue ikut pemilu. Karena baru pertama kali, habis nyontreng pun gue langsung norak. Foto-foto sambil pamer kelingking. Lookit here! HahaGila banget tuh kertas suara 3 biji, mana gede banget lagi, gue serasa mau ngerjain ujian negara. I proudly and profoundly confess: I chose Demokrat. Yeah. Meskipun aku suka merah tapi aku tetap memilih biru. Soalnya pidato-pidato public facenya si merah sering ngata-ngatain Demokrat melulu sih. Hey, kalau bersaing tuh yang sportif. Menurut lo dengan menjelek-jelekkan orang lantas lo akan ditinggikan gitu? Hell No.

Ohya gue juga paling ga suka dengan pendapat orang yang memilih sebuah partai hanya karena alasan berikut:

1: "Ah pas si ini memerintah kan harga beras dan lain-lain ga ada yang naik. Lihat aja pas si itu merintah. Harga naik semua! (Duh?? Lo pikir memerintah sebuah negara semudah membalikkan telapak tangan?? Lagian lo ngomong kayak gitu lo tahu gak kenapa pas pemerintahan ini harga bisa turun dan pas pemerintahan itu harga bisa naik?? Kalau lo tahu baru dan penjelasan lo masuk akal baru gue bisa terima alasan lo! Dangkal!!)

2: Ah gue pilih partai X aja. Disuruh orang gereja. (Hey, agama kok dijadikan politik?? Politik tuh milik semua umat bukan hanya kalangan tertentu aja!)

Aduh alasan apalagi ya? Nanti deh update lagi hahaha. Yang jelas aneh dan menyebalkan aja kalau ada orang yang langsung ngomong asal bunyi mentah-mentah alasan-alasan seperti di atas tadi sebagai alasannya dalam memilih sebuah partai. Pendangkalan ideologi!! Yah, bukan berarti gue hafal dan tahu luar dalam visi misi partai yang gue pilih. But hey, I have my own legit reasons. I don't want to vote for a party who spent let alone an estimated 3BILLION RUPIAH for a one day campaign concert only. I don't want to vote for a party who all the cadres could do were just shitting about their oppositions. No I won't.

I know that everyone has the right to have their own opinion blablabla..and hey, here's mine. My opinion is yours sucks!! Hahah eat that!!

Ingat jangan golput ya pada. Kalau tadi pada golput nanti Juli masih ada kesempatan. Satu suara amat berarti. Tanpa satu, seratus bukanlah seratus melainkan sembilan puluh sembilan. Sembilan puluh sembilan ditambah satu sama dengan seratus. Haha. Godspeed.

I'm not moving

I just updated my playlist and added Julia Perez' Belah Duren. Haha. Lovely :)
Yesterday probably was the happiest day I could get in this week. Hung out with 4 大便s, got a chance to drove Tania's Yaris (haha I know you weren't approved, thx anyway ;P), and almost fell off P16. But overall it was a great day. I was just being happy, and suddenly I saw his shoutout. He's in pain. I don't know why but I want to know. Whether it's because his girlfriend or whatever, I don't care, I just want him to tell me, like he used to do. And I will try my best to cheer him up and wipe the pain away. I suddenly realised how much I missed talking to him. He was never boring. I know with all his flaws and all, taking me for granted and all, he is still as hateable as ever, but still, I miss you, friend ♥ (*sigh..* just realised how pathetic I am for not being able to let go).

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me, and your
heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be. Thinkin maybe you'll come back into the place that we meet and you'll see ME WAITING FOR YOU on the corner of the street.. -The Man Who Can't Be Moved-

Afterlife

So I changed my religion in Facebook. From "Christian - Catholic" to "Religionless Christianity". Lately, I've been thinkin A LOT about afterlife. Like, a lot. Constantly. But haven't got to the point where I get suicidal. Haha.
Beberapa minggu yang lalu gue dapet bahan UTS dari milis mpkui_katolikfib. Bahannya banyak mampus. Salah satunya tentang Wahyu dan Iman. Dan ada satu kalimat yang menangkap perhatian gue.

Feuerbach (1804-1872) berpendapat bahwa agama hanyalah proyeksi
manusia. Karl Barth berpandangan bahwa agama itu konstruksi manusia yang menjawab atas pewahyuan Allah. Dari pandangan itu, Boenhoeffer (1906-1942) lalu
berpendapat bahwa Kristianitas tanpa agama (religionless Christianity) itu
mungkin.

Hmm.. hening sejenak. Gue memang selalu mempertanyakan gereja. Kenapa begini kenapa begitu, tapi bukan berarti gue peduli banget sih kalau pertanyaan-pertanyaan gue itu gak terjawab. I know I believe in GOD. Always will.
Dulu memang ada lowest point di mana gue amat sangat meragukan Tuhan. Tapi dengan cara-cara yang kebetulan, dengan caraNya sendiri, satu persatu (gak satu persatu juga sih, lebih tepatnya mungkin secara kumulatif) pertanyaan-pertanyaan gue itu dijawab oleh Tuhan. I will not explain further since my relationship between God and me is only between me and God. Hahaha.

Hmm so the point is, do I still believe in my religion? Yes I do. But sometimes there are things that even way beyond church's sense. Gue bukannya membenarkan pernyataan Boenhoeffer tentang "Religionless Christianity", but hey it kinda makes sense. Agama hanyalah REKONSTRUKSI MANUSIA. Wow wow wow. Hal yang udah kepikiran banget sama gue semenjak gue baca The DaVinci Code.

Yang belum baca DaVinci Code buruan baca. I think Christians harus membaca buku ini, bukannya malah tidak membaca. I don't believe that Jesus once married to Mary Magdalene. What I want to emphasize is the religionless Christianity theory. That religion is only a human's reconstruction to fulfill their needs (perhaps, who knows, history is only a compromisation between the winner and the loser).

I'm not encouraging you all Christians to convert to atheism or whatever, but I'm encouraging you to open your mind, and realise that God is closer to us than we ever think of. He's everywhere, not just in the body of the church, He's in the way we talk, in the way we behave, in the way we are. Godspeed.

Lend Me Please! :D

I've missed a loooootttt!!
Starting from:

1. Grey's Anatomy season 5 episode 5
2. Ugly Betty season 2 disc 2E
3. Gossip Girl (entah dari episode berapa di season 1. Oh geez I'm lame)
4. Desperate Housewives (season 5/6 gitu terakir kali gue nonton. Lupa. Pokoknya yang si Carlos jadi buta kena angin hahaha)
5. Heroes season 3!!

Fix Me

I have been trying to act all fluffy, cheerful, happy, but as I say, it was all just an act. A pretend. Au fait. Acting is exhausting. Why can't I just bleed it all out?
One silly, petty, thing about him still could make my world go around or even turn upside down. It's not healthy. I gotta fight this. But just like Callie said, sometimes I feel like there is no fight in me anymore. I'm losing my faith. Sometimes I just pray and hope the whole thing will play itself out, but it just won't. I'm broken, really. I'm not trying to fix what isn't broken, it's just..the battery has ran out. Please fix me.

"Heaven has been away too long. Can't find the words to write this song.
Oh..your love.." -Like a Star-

Rawrrr!

Heyho..Yesterday, got nothing to do, so I went to Randu's, and did nothing (again). After 1 hour of me reading The Devil Loves Cinnamon (which was often interrupted by Randu, commenting on tv programs and I gotta respond so she would just shut up but in fact she didn't hahaha) and Randu switching on tv channels, we decided to buy Slumdog Millionaire. Yoohoo! Right decision everybody! Hahaha.

Well I used to watch a lot of dvds in a short period, but since I've moved to a boarding house, I can't do that too often anymore. The last time I watched dvds, they were "Stepbrothers" and "This Is England". So Slumdog Millionaire was a refresher in the middle of mid-term test week.
The movie was directed by Danny Boyle and won 8 Oscars, 8, everyone, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay (oh it was adapted from the book "Q&A" by Vikas Swarup), Best Film Editing, Best Sound Mixing, Best Cinematography, Best Original Score, and Best Original Song. And it also won a lots of other awards. You can google it. Haha.

So other than the amazing story and twist the movie offered, something else caught my eye..It's....DEV PATEL! Hahaha.Ooouw..hellooooww boooyy. Look at the hair, look at the eyes, look at the tall slender body (well you can't really see it here but he's tall. slender. yummy). Don't you just wanna eat him? Hahaha. Hmmm..maybe you don't think he's that tantalizing, but for those who haven't watched Slumdog, you should watch it first then I bet you'd change your mind. For those who have and still can't see what I see, well...just 死!! Hahaha. Godspeed.